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To the world I know as home,
I speak in words filled of sorrow,
The troubles of my modern life,
have filled my mind with words,
these troubles of my life,
have filled my heart with sorrow,
all the troubles in my life,
have filled my pillow with tears.

What has gone wrong?
I cannot explain to another,
my world feels as if caving in,
my mind has fallen to the flame,
my heart has drowned itself,
while my pillows suffocate me.

Shielded from this world I am no longer,
Let me finish my task is done,
for I have little left to live for,
let me go in peace so that no one hears,
let me go for no one cares to listen,
this is my last to all the world,
I shall be as I was before,


Cries of A little Child

One of the poems I wrote when I was ten. I know it’s not good, but it isn’t supposed to be. You’d get the gist of the feelings.

A child cries
In the ruins of the night,
Shatters the silence with all the might
He knows not, what lays up, ahead and apart
But he soon does, with his bleeding heart
‘Stop mother, I beg you!’
‘You make me sick.’ A knife she drew
A wrenching swing
He broke like a twig
‘you’re an abomination, disgusting as a sin’
The child lay there, broken within
Such a sight, a lonely heart
thought it’s the best, to be apart
from the precious life, soul within
carries on like a restless cart
Ever witnessed the history, have you?
Don’t know aout you, but I saw a soul depart.

Ode to my friend…

She was one of the best friends I ever had,
And I always thought we’d be together somehow.
The other day I was holding her,
But she’s only a memory to me now.

I remember how she could almost smile,
I remember how her eyes shone bright.
I remember how when I came home
I always seemed to be a welcome sight.

I remember how she would curl up,
Like a Princess on her giant bed.
I can still hear the tap of her feet on the floor,
I can still feel the soft fur on her head.

I remember how she looked at me:
Like I was the only one she saw.
I remember how smart she was,
She always kept me in awe.

I remember how lazily she would walk,
And, if she wanted, how fast she could run.
I didn’t think she’d die so soon,
Technically, she was so young.

I loved her so much, and I still do.
I didn’t even have her for very long.
One minute she was smiling,
And the next minute, she was gone.

Do they Care?

They don’t care if I stand up straight,
They don’t care if I fall,
They don’t care that they make me feel
Like I always have to crawl.
They don’t care that they slap me around,
But when I try to express my pain;
They get offended, and shut me up,
And just make me hurt again.
They take things that I claim as mine;
Like my talents, and even my name,
And when I try to make them stop,
They say it’s just a game.
They don’t want me to be one of them,
But they don’t like the way I think,
They get mad when I am silent,
But I’m not allowed to speak.
They don’t care that I never laugh,
They don’t care that I always cry,
They don’t like it when I stay in one place,
But I’m not allowed to fly.
Only if they want something from me,
That’s the only time they call;
In fact, it seems that there are times
When they don’t care about me at all.
They say they’ll always love me,
And that they’ll be there till the end;
But with the way they make me feel,
How can I be sure that they’re my friends?

The Girl in the stall

The girl in the stall
doesn’t think it matters at all
She doesn’t think anyone cares
so she stands out the biggest dare.
Standing with the door locked
staring at the wall blocks
The time as come
when its all said and done.
Why are you lonely?
Aren’t you afraid?
What are you thinking?
Of what they said?
The gun is cold against her head
thoughts of what its like to be dead
She thinks of being happy
away from everyone.
A few quick last thoughts
and the chore is done
On the wall and floor
blots of blood and the gun.
Her eyes now closed
laying in the pool
Thinking inside
now who’s the fool?
No last words
just one last sight
In her mind
the view of the lights.
On the ceiling
she sees her fate
The thoughts are leaving
and its hard to concentrate.
The door opens
and she hears someone enter
She doesn’t know who its is
But it really doesn’t matter
Now here I am
listening to the stories
After its all over
now who shows the glory?
They cant figure it out
no one knows why
But I have my own idea
she just wanted to fly.
Away from the pain
high in the clouds
Away from the hurt
built up inside.
Before she took the plunder
I believe she first thought
Of being six feet under
the suggestions in her head fought.
The girl in the stall
wasn’t what they said at all
She was just like me
except she took the fall.
I wonder where she is now
will I ever see her again?
I use to think “hopefully soon”
but I have a special friend
This special friend wont let it happen
though i have bargained with her
She said she would fall apart
cause I would have broke her heart.
So I’m making this special promise
not to let her down
Because she means this much to me
I couldn’t bare to leave her now.
And see her drowning
in all the tears
I could not be happy
even away from my fears.
So to the girl in the stall
where ever you are
You might like to know
I do care at all.

Have you ever…

Have you ever wanted to cry?
Have you ever wanted to die?
Give away your soul to god
and let it be free, no more
painful goodbye’s or hearts getting
shattered by him. I’ll be fine if
I die, but if I live I will be
hurt in too many ways I already have.
Have you ever wanted to cry?
Have you ever wanted to die?
I have.

My life is crumbling before my eyes and
I sit and watch in despise.
I see my life through a glass bottle and it
seems to be breaking upon my watching.
I can see myself looking into the future
no one is there, so who will care?
I feel trapped for I know not what lies
I seem to think I can walk out bbut then
I think theres no hope.
For if I try I will die and no one will sigh.
I’ve found out no one would care because
I was all alone in a shelter glass stone.

Who Will Cry?

If tonight I die,

Who will cry?

Strangers with their feigned interest,

While those I love have turned away.

And if my best isn’t good enough,

What more can I give?

Go ahead–walk away.

Just leave me here alone.

And if tonight I die,

Who will cry?

All my strength is drained,

With nothing left to give.

Drowning in the depths of sorrow,

No tears left to cry.

A silent voice and distant eyes

That no one hears or sees.

And if tonight I die,

Who will cry?

Through the Glass

I see your hand,
you’re reaching out,
you’re here to help me through my doubt.
I’m reaching back.
I touch the glass.
I’m stuck inside a box of black.
I start to cry,
I want to die,
I get the knife and say goodbye.
I see your face,
you’re breaking threw,
you won’t except the fate i drew.
I wave to you and press the knife,
glad to finally end my life.
With one hard push you break the wall.
You save the day and stop my fall.
you bring me out,
I wake and shout,
it was a dream.
I almost scream,
there you are,
you’re on the grass,
through the glass.

The Darkness Inside

Tears fall like raindrops
From a soul filled with fear
Fear of darkness within
Both far and so near

Darkness shrouded
By a smiling face
Living in turmoil
This pain that I face

Granting the pain
To do as it’s dark deed
My body and mind
Succumb to it’s greed

It takes me down deeper
To fear and to shame
Depths I can’t fathom
As I feel it’s dark reign

Life as I know it
May soon cease to be
For the pain that laid dormant
Is now free in me

It ravages corners
And every inch of my soul
It tears me to shreds
With a heart black as coal

This pain is alive
I can feel it within
My spirit not willing
To try and stop it again

I give in to pleasure
That is twisted and dark
This pain that’s within
Will soon leave it’s mark

The mark that it leaves
Will be what it does crave
The mark on my tombstone
As I lay in my grave

In this grave of my doing
That I chose to be
For allowing this torture
To fester in me

Life holds no meaning
When hate fear and pain
Are seething inside you
With no good to gain

So come now the sickness
That I so doth crave
And swallow my body
Within your dark grave

Don’t cry for me
As I lay in the ground
I live now in peace
That in life was not found

I hold no more fear
No pain or no hate
I lay still in victory
With death as my mate

Crying eyes no more here
My tears are now dried
As I lay in the darkness
That I lived with inside

My soul is not hurting
My fear is now gone
As my lifeblood stops flowing
In this life of new dawn

A dawn of beginning
Of a new shining sun
Only seen by the departed
Of which I am now one

So Deep

A flame burns high in the torch of youth
As a young man searches the skies for truth
An omen is passed forever it lives
No one can see the burden it gives

Nights spent in horror, days spent in pain
A young man feels the weight of its reign
With every movement that moves through his soul
He now knows the reason that this pain was his goal

To kill and to torture in horrified nights
He feels that this pain is part of his rites
To mame and deform To kill and destroy
Every man every woman every girl and boy

Each day that passes his fear takes a grip
And pushes his mind to a much further trip
He cant understand why he feels like he does
He wants understanding, to be the child he was

Little he knows that his childhood days
Are being relived in this Hellified maze
The only love he received was a kick and a fall
And his parents had built him as you build a wall

You use only bricks, mortar and stone
And a rough wall you build, and it cuts to the bone
He decides he can’t take it, He gives into The End
For His Life is a Nightmare, and Death is His Friend

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